Happy Cancerversary (1 year since the recurrence)

January 6, 2018

We all have our dates – dates that no matter how hard we try, we’ll never forget the exact smell in the air, the sounds in the room, and the feeling in your stomach the moment you either experienced complete bliss, or absolute trauma. For me, the thought of January 6, hits me like a ton of bricks.

As the day approached, waves of anxiety hit my body at the most random times. I could be partying on the dance floor, playing with my baby niece or enjoying the most delicious meal with my family and then…BAM! Although my body is present, my mind takes me back to January 6.

January 6, 1 year ago today, was the 1st time I saw my boyfriend cry. It was the 1st time my brother held my hand (as if to protect me) in a long time. It was the 1st time that I truly felt helpless as my oncologist said, “It’s cancer… again! This time, incurable.”

On January 6, the ER doctor sent me home saying my chest X-ray was clear, only to call me back an hour later to admit he made a mistake. On January 6, I told my best friend that I wouldn’t make it to her 30th Birthday Surprise we’d been planning for months, as they rolled me up to the hospital room where I’d stay for a week.

On top of fearing death – feeling fooled, deceived and disappointed are what best describe January 6.

Today, I’m taking back my January 6 by marking it as my Cancerversary (it used to be the day I was declared cancer free).

Because on January 6, my life changed forever – for the best. I now smell, hear, and see the world so… differently! So much that it’s a little hard to explain. I can no longer relate to the mundane problems people complain about daily (isolating, yet liberating at the same time). It’s the day that I now realize, without it, everything achieved in between, from the people I’ve helped to the love I experienced, would have never happened if it weren’t for January 6. It’s as if on January 6, I was reborn.

Today is January 6. So, Happy Cancerversary! 1 down. Many more to go.

xo

Nalie

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